


When You're Not Strong

by bitsnbobs



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Feelings, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Gordon and the abuse, Spoilers, Support, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:40:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9097876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsnbobs/pseuds/bitsnbobs
Summary: After Aaron has lashed out again, Robert goes to his sister. Vic supports him as he breaks down.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Bit nervous about this one. Tough subject matter and never really written Vic before. 
> 
> Go easy on me folks ;-)

Robert knocked on the cottage door and waited. He blew out a breath, watching it drift away until he had to close his eyes as the threat of tears pricked again. He wasn’t entirely sure what had led him here; a desperate need to escape battling with a desperate need to not be alone.

“Robert!” his sister exclaimed as she opened the door, “Are you ok? How’s Aaron?”

She’d heard then. Of course she had; curse of a small village. At least she had asked how Aaron was rather than just jumping to conclusions. 

“Robert?” Vic was frowning at him, eyes filled with care. He found he couldn’t speak, heard her sigh and then he was being gently guided inside, “Let’s get you a cup of tea, eh? Adam’s helping Moira so there’s no rush.”

Robert was pushed into one of his sister’s too small dining chairs as she pottered about in the kitchen. He looked around at the home his sister had made for herself and smiled at the thought of making a home with Aaron at the Mill. However, allowing that one thought of happiness just made the events of the day hit him again like an unstoppable wave. He had his head in his hands when Vic returned,

“Oh Robert,” she whispered, placing two cups down on the table and then gently taking hold of his forearms so she could see his face, “What’s happened?”

Robert swallowed. He had no idea where to begin. 

“Has…has Aaron been arrested?” Vic asked biting her lip. She slid into a nearby chair and scooted it closer. 

“No,” Robert shook his head.

“Ok, ok,” Vic nodded, “That’s good.”

Taking a few shaky breaths, Robert ran a hand down his face, “DS Wise stepped in.”

“DS Wise?” Vic was surprised, “Wasn’t he-"

“Yeah, yeah he was,” Robert interrupted.

“Ok…”

“He saw Aaron at the station. Aaron was a mess.” Robert sounded bitter with his next words, “DS Wise got him to open up.”

Vic was looking at him strangely and he suddenly felt really irritated and angry. He pushed back in his chair and threw his hands up, “It should have been me, Vic. I should have known.”

“Robert,” Vic was being careful, “Known what?”

Robert stared at her, unable to believe for a second that she didn’t know, like as though everyone should know because it was so damn obvious, but then he couldn’t hold it anymore because that was the problem, he had known, he had known all along but he’d just buried it and hoped it would go away. And looking at his sister now, he could tell that she knew too but she didn’t want to say it, because no one ever did.

“Gordon,” Robert found the strength from somewhere to say that despicable word. 

Vic reached for his hands and he realised they were trembling.

“You can tell me anything,” Vic told him warmly as she ran her thumbs over his fingers. 

Robert looked down at the action; his sister’s hands so small in comparison to his own. Soft and kind. 

“It was easier before,” Robert started, voice trying to stay level, “there was something to aim towards.”

“Right,” Vic said, although Robert knew he hadn’t provided enough information for Vic to know what he was saying. He offered her a small smile in thanks, knowing that she was allowing him to take his time. 

“It’s been a year, you know, since Aaron told me,” Robert tilted his head, trying to focus on his sister’s eyes and not get too lost in memories, “And after he did, there were ways I could help him. I could stop Gordon from getting near him again, I could support him while he told others, I could be there in court.”

“You were amazing,” Vic said, touching Robert’s cheek. He lent into it and closed his eyes,

“It hurts so much to think about it, Vic,” he admitted, opening his eyes again and letting the tears fall. He pressed a hand to his chest, over his heart, “It hurts in here.”

Vic didn’t speak but she wiped away some of his tears. Robert was grateful for her patience as he tried to gain control. 

“The man I love was raped when he was child,” Robert broke after saying the words. Messy sobs racking through his entire body as Vic pulled him in and held him. 

There were hands running down his neck and comforting words being whispered in his ear, when Robert managed to find his thoughts again. A lot of shaky breathing and furious rubbing of his eyes followed as he moved back from his sister’s embrace, suddenly feeling very self-conscious and guilty. 

“Don’t you dare apologise,” Vic told him, like she had read his thoughts. It shocked a huff of laughter out of him and a released some tension in his shoulders. His sister was amazing.

Robert reached for his cup on the table, finding a familiar comfort in wrapping his hands around it. 

“Robert,” Vic looked nervous, “Where is Aaron now?”

The question made Robert blink in confusion but then he realised he had given Vic cause for concern, “He’s asleep at the pub. Chas is watching him.”

“Good,” Vic nodded, “That’s good.”

Robert could tell there was another question on her lips, “He hasn’t hurt himself, Vic.” He saw his sister visibly relax but then he snorted darkly, “No, he just lashed out and hit Kasim.”

“Kasim is fine though,” Vic stated quick and reassuring, “Finn was round here earlier. He was just concerned about Aaron actually.”

Robert narrowed his eyes but decided he didn’t care about either of those two men. He only had one concern,

“I can’t fix it, Vic,” Robert said eventually. Defeated and heartbroken. He couldn’t even bare to look at Vic but the cup was taken from his hands and his chin was tipped upwards,

“You, Robert,” Vic said surely, “Can be there for him.”

“Can I?” he whispered back, his worries unable to stay buried, “Vic, the things that he has been through…I just…I sometimes wish it would go away. Like I could go back to not knowing. How selfish is that?”

“No, no,” Vic shook her head, “Robert, that’s…human.”

“But he’s lived it,” Robert couldn’t hide his annoyance that his sister was defending him, “Aaron’s lived it. It won’t ever go away for him.”

Vic squeezed his arms, “And that is awful. Its horrendous. It is something that I can’t wrap my head around. It’s something no-one should have to wrap their heads around because it never should have happened.” Robert swiped at his eyes again, nodding. “But, that’s why you need to open up too, Robert.”

That last statement made Robert pause. He blinked at his sister as she continued, 

“I should have been there for you more last year.”

Robert frowned, “No, no, Vic.”

“No, Robert,” Vic cut him off firmly, “You were there supporting Aaron but no-one was supporting you.”

There was a sadness in his sister’s eyes now that Robert hated, he took hold of her hands, “Vic, you don’t need to feel guilty, ok? Like I said, it was…easier before. I could tell Aaron that Gordon would get what was coming to him. I could believe in him, protect him…I felt useful.”

“You still are,” Vic said softly.

Robert ducked his head, “I wish I was, Vic. But I’ve let him down.”

“I’m sure that’s not-“

“He talked to Rebecca,” he let out a dark laugh, “Rebecca of all people. All because I was too afraid to deal with things properly.”

“He talked to Rebecca about Gordon?” The shock in Vic’s tone made Robert cringe inwardly. It felt like another sign that he’d failed; Aaron should never have been talking to Rebecca about his deepest demons, he should have been talking to his fiancé. 

“Yeah,” Robert sighed, shoulders sagging, “He opened up about using the money, Gordon’s money, to buy the Mill.”

“Well…” Vic began tentatively, “She must have said something right.”

Anger flared in Robert’s eyes, “Yeah, she managed to get it right. Robert, on the other hand, completely messed up again.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Robert hated that she winced and forced himself to try and calm down,

“Vic, Aaron has been lashing out because of Gordon for weeks and I haven’t done anything,” Robert told her, “Ok, ok, so it was small things sometimes, like having a dig at Liv when the money was mentioned, but I should have stepped in then. Properly.”

Vic grimaced but there was understanding in her eyes, “You’ve been in denial, haven’t you?”

And that was it. His sister had hit the nail on the head. Robert felt the tears coming again,

“How bad is that? I guess, I thought that if I didn’t make a big deal of it then it wouldn’t become one.” 

“Robert, you just wanted Aaron to be ok.”

“Yes, but he’s not though is he? Because I was being selfish. Because I didn’t want to think about it. Because I was worried that I couldn’t cope.”

“Oh, Rob,” Vic cupped his cheeks again, “I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” Robert sniffed.

“Because you do need someone and I should have been there,” she shook her head as Robert looked like he was about to protest, “No, no, you listen to me now, ok? You haven’t failed, Robert. You haven’t. You love Aaron and you have been there for him but Aaron is…God, Aaron is hard.”

“Aaron is not hard to love,” Robert immediately cut in.

“No, I know,” Vic agreed, trying to find a different way of phrasing things, “What I mean is Aaron is complex. There are a lot of issues there, Robert.” 

That was something Robert couldn’t disagree with; he nodded for his sister to go on,

“I found it hard supporting Adam when Holly died,” Vic admitted, her voice becoming quieter, “But I can remember what it felt like to lose mum and dad so I could relate in some way.”

Robert shared a sad smile with his sister at the mention of their parents. Vic sighed and twisted the wedding band on her finger. Robert felt like he should say something but Vic looked up first,

“What Aaron has been through is a type of trauma that…it’s not relatable. Well, at least not for us.”

They both added the ‘thankfully’ in their heads, which made Robert feel a pang of guilt that he was thinking about himself again. 

“You can’t do that either, Robert,” Vic said, sensing his thoughts, “You can’t blame yourself for having your own issues.”

“I don’t-"

“Yes, you do,” Vic poked him, “You think that you should be able to support Aaron without any support yourself because he’s got it worse. It doesn’t work like that.”

The sincerity and truth in her words made it hard for Robert to disagree. He slumped forward in his chair, Vic dodging out of the way, as he rested his elbows on his knees and ran a hand down his face,

“It’s all such a mess,” he cried, feeling a hand being placed on his shoulder. 

“It feels like that now,” Vic stated, “But I think you’ve turned a corner.”

Robert sat back up abruptly and squinted, “How, Vic?”

Vic dropped her hand and shrugged, “You’ve reached out, Robert. You are not alone anymore.”

His sister’s words did spike some weird sense of hope but they also sent Robert back to that time, to that place, when he’d said those words, “What about Aaron?” he whispered, afraid to hear the answer. 

“He’s not alone either,” Vic told him taking hold of his hands once more, “I can’t promise that there won’t be bad days, we all have them, Aaron’s being worse than most.”

“Today,” Robert nodded, eyes glassy.

“Today,” Vic repeated, “But you’ll get through it together. You’ll get through it because there are those there that will help you. Both of you.”

“Aaron has agreed to try counselling again,” Robert stated, mouth twitching upwards, “DS Wise gave us a number.”

“There you go,” Vic smiled, “That is a positive step.”

“I just wish it hadn’t got this far, you know?” Robert sighed, “Got to a point where he’s decking people because he can’t get his head straight. I should have l done something sooner.”

“Ok, you need to stop that,” Vic scolded, “Have you not been listening to me, Robert? You can’t blame yourself. This is difficult for you both and you both need to find a way through together. You can’t always get things right the first time. Besides, Robert, you aren’t the only one who could have challenged Aaron about his feelings; I’ll probably have one guilty feeling husband tonight.”

Robert wrinkled his nose, “This isn’t Adam’s fault.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not yours either,” Vic stated, placing her hands on her hips. 

And maybe Robert believed her? His mind was definitely racing less; he felt like someone had picked up the jigsaw pieces and was at least attempting to make the picture again. It was the calmest he’d felt since getting that dreaded call from the police station. 

“I’ve never loved anyone like this,” the words had left Robert’s lips before he even realised. 

“Aw…Come here,” Vic said, wrapping her arms around him.


End file.
